Hey OP,
First of all, you're beautiful. Secondly, you look almost exactly like one of my friends (genetically female, straight) which is pretty cool and random.
Third.. I'm a little intruiged about something that just occured to me. And I'm wondering if I could ask you something. Forgive me if it's a little all over the place (sexuality can be like that?)
I'm genetically male and live my life as such. Over the past few years it's started to occur to me what a girl I am. Like, I missed it at first because I'm missing a lot of female traits, physically and psychologically. However, I tend to find guys really foreign and girls I understand better. There are a lot of other reasons. I mean, I guess I don't have to tell you, but you just kind of 'know' how you feel inside, right? Anyway, I don't know if I'll ever transition. The main reason being that I don't really feel like much more female than male on the inside maybe 60-40 female-male. I've started to CD a little, which I find pleasant and sometimes arousing. Though I'm kind of a tom boy, if that even makes sense.
So, over my lifetime I've had a few serious relationships, they've all turned out to be lesbians, except one but I'm pretty sure she's closeted. I did not initiate these realationships really (like, in the male sense). I was just myself and found myself being like 'courted' I guess, and cleary really liked it since I've never been in a real relationship without that happening. It's not that I have a lesbian fetish, I guess is what I'm getting at. But now, I'm kinda realizing my 'type' is heavily skewed towards that kind of girl. And by kind I think I really mean queer.
Last summer, I was at a party explaining the above to random gay girls (who I tend to be more comfortable around than a bunch of strange dudes - but I was being a drunk talker for sure). It did not go well. One girl got it and thought I was great, the fem. But when I explained that I felt like a girl and also that I sometimes liked butchy/dominant girls, the two tops I think thought I was some creepy asshole trying to hit on them. Which I wasn't - I'm not retarded (clearly visible male) nor do I 'hit on' girls ever. They got sketched out and slowly dodged away like I was a rapist, which obviously extremely hurt my feelings - I mean probably the most painful experience of my life. After reflection I realized the pain mostly came from being seen as so 'obviously' male. Had I been visibly a girl, they would have just been chill, even if they weren't attracted to me whatsoever.
I don't even really know what I want to ask anymore lol. I guess I'm curious about your 'ok'ness with t-girls and any girls' okness with you. And also, if you transitioned because it was/is uncomfortable being seen as male, not only in the society sense, but also in terms of sexual acceptance. Like, I'm not gay (I've checked haha) and in my LGBT naiive days I would have thought you'd have to want a man to fuck you if you wanted to become physically female. Now, I'm realizing you can become a girl and still be with girls - but that's the thing. I'm actually already more attracted to (and tend to attract - ironically I suppose) gay girls. They like me I think because they see the girl in me - until they realize they're gay lol (and even drunk 'out' lesbians sometimes hit me or dance with me in a forward manner - they love the chase and something in them is telling them to win me - I'm pretty sure that's all it is. I don't think being drunk suddenly makes most gay girls dick hungry). But it's not that I want to end up with a lesbian - that doesn't matter, I don't care about it at all. It's just that I want to end up with someone who sees me as what I am - both m and f and neither. In my last relationship we owned a house together and she would tell me to mow the lawn, sometimes with the reason, "well you're the guy". To which I would reply, "fuck that, I make you dinner every day". I would joke like that, but deep down I think being refered to as a guy and constantly having it held against me really bugs me (I've gotten into more than one argument with femanists who think they treat guys and girls equally - some do, most people in general don't - and since feminists tend to try and tell people how they should treat other people, I like to get in their face about their own gender biases). And none of my friends or family have a fucking clue, except for my best friend (female) who knows everything. So when I randomly say something like, "well, that's cause I'm a girl..." one person gets it, if she's there, but most of my friends are like "haha, what are you talking about dude?"
tl;dr: I'm confused. Is being a TS easier than being a 'guy', espcecially considering your attraction to girls? And should I be butthurt that I'm not really 'allowed' to call myself a lesbian in my current physical state. Or does a very obvious male thinking of himself as and identifying (culturally, somewhat) with gay girls irritate most gay girls for a good reason? Does it irritate you? Like, if a white guy talks and acts like a black guy most people are like dude, fuck off. I avoid 'acting' like a girl for that reason - I tend to force myself to appear more male (heteronormal). And since the incident also completely avoid referring to (or even thinking of, really) myself as being a gay girl, except for this post. I guess that's the crux of it actually - Did you always think of yourself as a queer girl?
Sorry if this post clutters your lovely thread <3
We can irc/skype if that would be prefereable, but hopefully I'm not the only one wondering this.
First of all, you're beautiful. Secondly, you look almost exactly like one of my friends (genetically female, straight) which is pretty cool and random.
Third.. I'm a little intruiged about something that just occured to me. And I'm wondering if I could ask you something. Forgive me if it's a little all over the place (sexuality can be like that?)
I'm genetically male and live my life as such. Over the past few years it's started to occur to me what a girl I am. Like, I missed it at first because I'm missing a lot of female traits, physically and psychologically. However, I tend to find guys really foreign and girls I understand better. There are a lot of other reasons. I mean, I guess I don't have to tell you, but you just kind of 'know' how you feel inside, right? Anyway, I don't know if I'll ever transition. The main reason being that I don't really feel like much more female than male on the inside maybe 60-40 female-male. I've started to CD a little, which I find pleasant and sometimes arousing. Though I'm kind of a tom boy, if that even makes sense.
So, over my lifetime I've had a few serious relationships, they've all turned out to be lesbians, except one but I'm pretty sure she's closeted. I did not initiate these realationships really (like, in the male sense). I was just myself and found myself being like 'courted' I guess, and cleary really liked it since I've never been in a real relationship without that happening. It's not that I have a lesbian fetish, I guess is what I'm getting at. But now, I'm kinda realizing my 'type' is heavily skewed towards that kind of girl. And by kind I think I really mean queer.
Last summer, I was at a party explaining the above to random gay girls (who I tend to be more comfortable around than a bunch of strange dudes - but I was being a drunk talker for sure). It did not go well. One girl got it and thought I was great, the fem. But when I explained that I felt like a girl and also that I sometimes liked butchy/dominant girls, the two tops I think thought I was some creepy asshole trying to hit on them. Which I wasn't - I'm not retarded (clearly visible male) nor do I 'hit on' girls ever. They got sketched out and slowly dodged away like I was a rapist, which obviously extremely hurt my feelings - I mean probably the most painful experience of my life. After reflection I realized the pain mostly came from being seen as so 'obviously' male. Had I been visibly a girl, they would have just been chill, even if they weren't attracted to me whatsoever.
I don't even really know what I want to ask anymore lol. I guess I'm curious about your 'ok'ness with t-girls and any girls' okness with you. And also, if you transitioned because it was/is uncomfortable being seen as male, not only in the society sense, but also in terms of sexual acceptance. Like, I'm not gay (I've checked haha) and in my LGBT naiive days I would have thought you'd have to want a man to fuck you if you wanted to become physically female. Now, I'm realizing you can become a girl and still be with girls - but that's the thing. I'm actually already more attracted to (and tend to attract - ironically I suppose) gay girls. They like me I think because they see the girl in me - until they realize they're gay lol (and even drunk 'out' lesbians sometimes hit me or dance with me in a forward manner - they love the chase and something in them is telling them to win me - I'm pretty sure that's all it is. I don't think being drunk suddenly makes most gay girls dick hungry). But it's not that I want to end up with a lesbian - that doesn't matter, I don't care about it at all. It's just that I want to end up with someone who sees me as what I am - both m and f and neither. In my last relationship we owned a house together and she would tell me to mow the lawn, sometimes with the reason, "well you're the guy". To which I would reply, "fuck that, I make you dinner every day". I would joke like that, but deep down I think being refered to as a guy and constantly having it held against me really bugs me (I've gotten into more than one argument with femanists who think they treat guys and girls equally - some do, most people in general don't - and since feminists tend to try and tell people how they should treat other people, I like to get in their face about their own gender biases). And none of my friends or family have a fucking clue, except for my best friend (female) who knows everything. So when I randomly say something like, "well, that's cause I'm a girl..." one person gets it, if she's there, but most of my friends are like "haha, what are you talking about dude?"
tl;dr: I'm confused. Is being a TS easier than being a 'guy', espcecially considering your attraction to girls? And should I be butthurt that I'm not really 'allowed' to call myself a lesbian in my current physical state. Or does a very obvious male thinking of himself as and identifying (culturally, somewhat) with gay girls irritate most gay girls for a good reason? Does it irritate you? Like, if a white guy talks and acts like a black guy most people are like dude, fuck off. I avoid 'acting' like a girl for that reason - I tend to force myself to appear more male (heteronormal). And since the incident also completely avoid referring to (or even thinking of, really) myself as being a gay girl, except for this post. I guess that's the crux of it actually - Did you always think of yourself as a queer girl?
Sorry if this post clutters your lovely thread <3
We can irc/skype if that would be prefereable, but hopefully I'm not the only one wondering this.